A Full Schedule, Practicing Joy and My First Day of Driving

It's funny to think that now that I'm driving across country I now have the time to actually write a post. This past week has been non-stop packing and running around finishing up errands for the move. And the last thing I thought as I laid down to sleep last night was that I didn't post about this trip as I had planned.  So I told myself - You HAVE to post once you get to Albuquerque! Which given how long the drive is and the fact that with the time zone change it is so very late I really should be finding my way to bed.

So to get to the point:
The Plan - I will post about my trip along the way.  If I can figure out how to access blogger via my phone (it's acting weird about logging on - I tried today and it didn't work) then I'll do some short posts from the road:).  I will also put some photos (now that I know how easy it is!) that I've taken along the way.

Before the Trip:
I've been visiting with family and friends almost constantly for the last two weeks. And while it's been emotional I have not broken down. It's practically a perfect example of how far I've come in my journey. I cry at the drop of hat. I cry when I'm sad and I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm overwhelmed or overjoyed. I cry when I'm angry and I cry when I'm excited. But while I've leaked a bit in the past several weeks I haven't been bowled over by it even when some of my closest friends have been taking it harder than I expected.

And more than that everyone keeps asking me about how my mother is taking me leaving. And she really has been a trooper. When I brought it up to her again the other day (she had kept laughing it off the other times I had mentioned other people's concerns) she finally told me that it's about practicing joy. Being sad has no benefits to it and that I'm going on to the next stage of my life and that she supports that whole heartedly. Practicing Joy. This has stuck in my head for the last couple of days. I like the idea because I ultimately have learned in the past 2 years - that it's a choice to be happy. So the concept of practicing joy just feels very real to me.

Day 1- October 18, 2013 - to Alberquerque:
I got up and finalized my car and set out on my trip! My car is completely stuffed! My parents couldn't believe I packed as much as I did into it.

 

My mom had to leave earlier than when I left but I got up early to say goodbye and give her a hug. She gave me a prayer for the road that my grandfather used to say in his benedictions. I'd write it here but I left it in my car and I may want to keep it for myself... it was emotional but again I kept it together.

My step-father almost got me though... he was doing the "Dad" thing checking my engine and tire pressure. I had to step away and not dwell on it or my practicing joy might not have worked very well. I finally gave him a hug and hopped in my car, but not before almost pulling away with one of my doors open!!!

Ahh! The drive... it was good up until the last 2-3 hours. Then it just got weird. I stopped and got a photo of a land formation. And then when I got back on the road I missed the welcome to New Mexico sign as it must have literally been where I stopped but didn't realize it!

I then got turned around in Gallup, NM when I stopped to get gas. Which had me driving in the opposite direction for about 8 miles until I could exit and turn around. I still had 2 hours to go until Albuquerque and my reservation so I just kept at it. But it wasn't that bad because even though it was late I got to stare into the craziest thing: the full moon.

When it finally got dark it was like a flashlight on the road in front of me. SOOOO Bright!

Anyways, I finally arrived in Albuquerque thinking I did well considering it was 8:30 when I check in - only to walk into the hotel room and see the clock read 9:30... oh wait I'm in a different time zone. I forgot to take that into account :(...

So even though I normally stay up for another hour or so I'm thinking I should hit the sack because tomorrow is going to come way too soon.

Extraordinary and Brave New Thoughts

So I should be finishing up a two week old post  about the my adventures with the "new things".  Which just kept getting longer and longer the more time that has passed because I keep procrastinating.  And even though I'm not focusing on that post I'm not procrastinating I promise!   If any of that made sense...

The point is something extraordinary happened tonight that I just want to get out.  To say this without any explanation is really weird.  And to give an explanation is to tell my life story.  I plan on doing that eventually in this blog, but I don't think I should just blurt it all out in one short post.  I am not sure that is even possible either with my story.  Besides the point of telling my story is supposed to be a journey in itself - one that will hopefully help someone out there in the Intrernet stratosphere because that is the point of recovery and sharing ones story.  That's what I eventually hope will happen considering no one really knows about this blog just yet.

So let me start with this explanation and promise that I will explain it all in time.  My step-mother did something awful 15 years ago.  She ended up having to go to prison recieving 15 years to life.  I told someone the whole story yesterday for the first time in a long time and remembered that fact.  Fifteen years and she could get out for good behavior.  So that means that as of this year she possibly could be free. 

In reality thoughts of her arose several weeks ago when I first thought of doing this blog.  When I discussed with my mother my ideas for this blog, her first instinctual response was, "You can't do that because what if she reads it."  And that's really the first extraordinary thing that happened: I wasn't afraid of her.  For the first time, in 15 years, my first instinct when deciding to doing something that would put me out in the world wasn't of fear of her.  I was startled to realize I truly was free of those feelings.  Its been a long hard road and I look forward to discussing that in this blog.

But tonight I was attending my bible study (the one that was my accidental new thing from the previous post) and after an amazing session of discussing passages in Romans we started to discuss prayer requests.  One of the participants works for CPS (Child Protective Services) and she discussed a request about a child who was in a "non-accidental incident" and how the child wasn't going to survive the injury.  It was a little too close to home for me and I got a little emotional.  This woman in my group wanted to pray for peace for the father who perpetrated the incident.  I suddenly had this overwhelming sense of purpose.  I realized I wanted that for my step-mother as well - no matter where she is today, whether in jail or released and somewhere out there in the free world, that I pray that she too has peace.  I briefly explained a bit of it to these virtual strangers who are quickly becoming women I want to "live life with" (as our church describes is the purpose of small groups).  I mentioned to them that its possible that she did get out for good behavior, because she wrote me 10 years ago saying she had found Christ and forgiveness.  At the time I didn't believe her.  But if it was true and as a result she turned her life around she could be out now.  Tonight, I really hoped and prayed that she did find Christ and found that forgiveness.  I finally excepted that if I was allowed to find and have a relationship with Jesus, God and the church then so can she.

This stunning realization and breakthrough almost moved me to tears and as I drove home all I could think about was how I wanted to get this down somewhere.  I decided to do that here.  Someday, after I have told more of the details of my story, I will link to this post again and it will all make sense.  Even more, I think it will reveal just how extraordinary this day really was for me.

I thank God for getting me to this point.  Life is an amazing journey.