So I should be finishing up a two week old post about the my adventures with the "new things". Which just kept getting longer and longer the more time that has passed because I keep procrastinating. And even though I'm not focusing on that post I'm not procrastinating I promise! If any of that made sense...
The point is something extraordinary happened tonight that I just want to get out. To say this without any explanation is really weird. And to give an explanation is to tell my life story. I plan on doing that eventually in this blog, but I don't think I should just blurt it all out in one short post. I am not sure that is even possible either with my story. Besides the point of telling my story is supposed to be a journey in itself - one that will hopefully help someone out there in the Intrernet stratosphere because that is the point of recovery and sharing ones story. That's what I eventually hope will happen considering no one really knows about this blog just yet.
So let me start with this explanation and promise that I will explain it all in time. My step-mother did something awful 15 years ago. She ended up having to go to prison recieving 15 years to life. I told someone the whole story yesterday for the first time in a long time and remembered that fact. Fifteen years and she could get out for good behavior. So that means that as of this year she possibly could be free.
In reality thoughts of her arose several weeks ago when I first thought of doing this blog. When I discussed with my mother my ideas for this blog, her first instinctual response was, "You can't do that because what if she reads it." And that's really the first extraordinary thing that happened: I wasn't afraid of her. For the first time, in 15 years, my first instinct when deciding to doing something that would put me out in the world wasn't of fear of her. I was startled to realize I truly was free of those feelings. Its been a long hard road and I look forward to discussing that in this blog.
But tonight I was attending my bible study (the one that was my accidental new thing from the previous post) and after an amazing session of discussing passages in Romans we started to discuss prayer requests. One of the participants works for CPS (Child Protective Services) and she discussed a request about a child who was in a "non-accidental incident" and how the child wasn't going to survive the injury. It was a little too close to home for me and I got a little emotional. This woman in my group wanted to pray for peace for the father who perpetrated the incident. I suddenly had this overwhelming sense of purpose. I realized I wanted that for my step-mother as well - no matter where she is today, whether in jail or released and somewhere out there in the free world, that I pray that she too has peace. I briefly explained a bit of it to these virtual strangers who are quickly becoming women I want to "live life with" (as our church describes is the purpose of small groups). I mentioned to them that its possible that she did get out for good behavior, because she wrote me 10 years ago saying she had found Christ and forgiveness. At the time I didn't believe her. But if it was true and as a result she turned her life around she could be out now. Tonight, I really hoped and prayed that she did find Christ and found that forgiveness. I finally excepted that if I was allowed to find and have a relationship with Jesus, God and the church then so can she.
This stunning realization and breakthrough almost moved me to tears and as I drove home all I could think about was how I wanted to get this down somewhere. I decided to do that here. Someday, after I have told more of the details of my story, I will link to this post again and it will all make sense. Even more, I think it will reveal just how extraordinary this day really was for me.
I thank God for getting me to this point. Life is an amazing journey.
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