That was until I went to Guatemala. As so many people came together to actually send me there, I wanted to figure out a way to document my experience so that each person who contributed would have access to my writings. Since not everyone has a Facebook page I concluded that the easiest place to do that would be here. So I'm starting it back up. I'm not sure if this is a new beginning or just a temporary means to share my experiences of Guatemala. That is for future me to decide.
When I thought over the last week on how I wanted to describe my journey. I thought about doing a day by day description. I mean I'm normally a very Type A Personality so this would be how I would obviously have done things in the past. It's actually how I think about things. Point 1. Point 2. So much so that the book I have in my head and somewhat in an outline is very linear. And I wonder if this actually has prohibited me from really diving into the meat and potatoes of telling my story because I'm stuck in that type of thinking.
This trip broke me away from my comfort zone and my tendency to have to have everything just so. We were told from the beginning when given our itinerary for the week that it could change and not to get locked down in that. That idea provided me with a modicum of unease. I don't like the unknown. Partly I believe its because of my past and how the unknown can hurt you. But I also have this very distinct element of my personality that likes order. So I knew that this trip would be a challenge in more ways than I originally had thought.
And the schedule did change. Every day had an element of the unknown to it. And I had to learn to go with the flow. So instead of documenting the trip in days... I thought I'd talk about it through the lessons I learned throughout the 9 days. Maybe if I'm clever enough 9 lessons in 9 days?! But I've decided to not structure it that way either. I have several topics I've brainstormed so far - not nine but maybe half-way there. But I think what I want to see is how this all plays out. I'm not going to force the writing or the topics. If they are there - they are there. And if I get to a point where I know I'm finished... well I will be finished. Doesn't that sound so unlike me?
So about this trip... it was as my lesson 1 describes - Organized Chaos. And chaos is not a bad term here. I'm just saying that a lot of unexpected roadblocks occurred for our group and well we had to go with the flow. Things that I would normally have blown a gasket in my head before, I shrugged off and let others be in control. Because what I learned was I had absolutely no control of what was happening. The plan was mainly in either Brandon's (our team leader who was one of my church's Pastors prior to the trip - he actually has just moved to Colorado this past week to plant his own church there - he led the trip in a last official duty type of thing) or Ron's (our missionary host who set up everything we were to do on the trip and acted as our host and guide all week) hands. Further though, I soon realized that it wasn't always in there hands either. Whether it was a holiday at the beginning of the week that led to the first shift of the schedule (or at least the one I had originally had in my mind), heat exhaustion of several of our members (including Brandon himself), a possible pull out of one of our VBS at the last possible moment (we were to do Vacation Bible school in two locations - which the other location already had to be moved due to weather conditions in one town), and ultimately further sickness in several additional members of our team. Neither Brandon, nor Ron could plan for these detours. But God could. And he did. For each of the road blocks I saw incredible things happen. The incredible recovery and bouncing back of Brandon from heat exhaustion. Passionate assertion and business savvy in Ron as he negotiated our presence in the village. And the amazing endurance of those who got sick. I wasn't one of them... well for the most part. I did have stomach issues the last day, which was our free day, but I think that was more of my own body issues and hitting my own wall of exhaustion and not associated with the others. But just briefly that day I experienced a fraction of discomfort and it made me wonder if I would have reacted as gracefully as the rest of those who had gotten sick in the midst of the nitty gritty of it. One additional disclosure here: Yes we had several people get sick - a good portion of the team unfortunately. But I could tell from Ron's comments and at times sad demeanor - that this was an unusual occurrence. This part of the story SHOULD NOT detour anyone from ever going down to Guatemala or going on any missions trip. I think many of us are hesitant of giving those nitty gritty details because we don't want anyone to be influenced by them. It was hard and I wasn't even the one dealing with the symptoms for the majority of the week. But these people did. And they were impressive. Every single one of them. I'm not going to get into the whosits and whatsits of who actually got sick and what they had or what they individually endured. That is their story and ultimately is very private to them. And that's what is the remaining remarkable thing about the sickness. Which was everyone else's reaction.
Let me tell you. The sickness I think sealed the deal for me about the people that I went on this adventure with; the compassion and caring that leaked out of every member sick or non-sick for each other was remarkable. For me I could tell just some inklings of compassion from everyone in the beginning with how they helped or cared about me and my back. The traveling part was the hardest thing for me. I don't know how many of you know that I have chronic back pain. It is mostly due I believe to my weight (another lesson topic -most likely). But in any case, I injured my neck about 3 weeks prior to going on the trip - which made me think that I possibly wouldn't be able to go because I literally could not move my head without shooting pain for about a day. I was able to get that taken care of however, my lower back started acting up. And with the flights and the 4 hour drive from Guatemala City to Santiago Atitlan (our home town for the stay) I was absolutely messed up. So uncomfortable. It was hard for me to at times sit for the next several days. And everyone looked out for me. When it came to servicing the hospital on that Monday (which we did because it was a national holiday and the VBS could not be done on this day - so instead of doing the hospital on Wednesday we did it on Monday) my cohorts on the trip made sure I didn't do the heavy lifting job. Several different people pointed me to other jobs. And I was very grateful to them for the consideration. But none of that compared to what they would do for those who became sick. Whether it was sitting by them during the worst of it, making sure they got enough water or Gatorade, checking up on each other, praying for each other, or just completely getting excited when someone recovered, each person was simply amazing. And while the sickness was not the most fun part of the trip I do think it solidified us as a team.
And then there was the reaction of those around us outside of the team. I have never experienced prayer in the way I did on this trip. Our new missionary friends Ron and Ronda really exemplify what it means to be living closely to God. Every time someone was down for the count prayer was what was done first. There is this recent little sermonette on Air1 or K-love where the person talks about how we have gotten to the point where prayer is the LAST RESORT. Basically people say after everything that has been done: "Well the only thing left to do is... Pray." The preacher goes on to say something about when did that become the last thing for us to do. But here in this little town of Guatemala I saw prayer in action. From Ron and Ronda coming into our hotel rooms to lay hands an pray for those in the midst of the worst of it to experiencing the women of this village and their compassionate prayers. We worked all week with women from the local home church that hosted us. They helped us lead VBS and connect to the children because they actually knew the language (specifically for the singing portion of VBS). It made the process a whole lot easier. On the last work day with the last one to get sick, they requested to come and pray for that person. I wasn't present but just hearing that they wanted to do that was moving. Then finally the day where I just hit a wall. Our free day. I was scheduled to go have a massage with two other of our team members (I know right heavenly). But I woke up not feeling well. And all I could think about is the fact that my mother (a massage therapist) always refused to massage me when I was sick because massage releases everything in your body including the toxins you are fighting. She always says I will get sicker. So with that lolling around in my head I decided not to go. I stayed back at the hotel, got sick and then slept all morning. I sent the other two on with a small tip. I felt horrible for canceling on this Guatemalan women who was a contact of Ron's (who gave amazing massages I was told) mainly because I know that for my mom if someone cancels that means she doesn't get paid. I figured that was definitely the same for this women. The rest of the team had left for the day super early for horseback riding and then a boat ride. I hoped to be fully back to myself by the time they got back and hopefully no one but the two who stayed back for the massage would know about me getting sick. Around lunch time Ron came to check on us (the other two had returned just about a half hour prior and we were all just resting). He asked how I was feeling because he had heard I was sick. That floored me and I remember Stephanie sputtering - wait how did you know that. He said the lady who gave the massages told him after she gathered some of her friends together for a prayer circle for me.
A prayer circle for me. This lady who didn't know me. Who I had canceled on and only gave a fraction of what I would have paid to the others to give to her. Got together some of her friends and prayed for me to get better. That thought uplifted me a whole lot and we managed to go have lunch, go shopping and come back for dinner without getting sick again. And I was just fine for our travel day the next day.
Prayer played a part personally in another way early in the week when I really learned the lesson on not having absolutely any control. My friends and family locally mostly won't have heard about this most likely. But my Field family - my step-family who welcomed me into the fold for 10 years as I lived in Phoenix and who I love and adore - suffered a loss. My step-brother unfortunately passed away late Friday the day before I left. Because I left for Guatemala on Saturday at like 3 in the morning, my Mom, step-father and step-sister decided it would be best to keep the news quiet from me until I returned. However, given the nature of Facebook and how news travels someone eventually did post on Facebook. My mother made the decision to contact me on Sunday for fear that I would stumble on the news if I ever got a chance to go online. Strangely enough we happened to have wifi at our hotel. Which we really didn't discover and actively use until that Monday. So there was a chance I could have heard the news. However, when I scoured the pages of different family members (including the one that apparently was to have posted but maybe had since pulled the comment) I couldn't find anything mentioning it. I realized it was a good thing for my step-family and that they were more than likely notifying everyone who needed to know verbally first. This past Friday the obit was posted and so it is now Facebook official.
But back to when I got the message from my mother. My phone didn't work in Guatemala at all like I thought it would. Let's just say I thought it was going to be a lot easier to actually use but I had to figure out roaming first. As a result, I left my phone on Airplane mode and primarily used as a camera that whole trip. That was the plan. One of the group that went had amazing phone coverage with T-Mobile. And while she couldn't talk on her phone without accruing charges she had unlimited texts. Therefore her phone was the go to phone from everyone at first (before we realized we had wifi) and all of us messaged people at home. It was through this system that my mother contacted me to give me the news about my step-brother. It's funny because the moment my mother asked for me to try to turn on my phone that she needed to talk to me I thought she was going to tell me my grandmother had passed. This is the expected person in my life right now to be going through this and it's just what I expected. I was utterly blown away at the news. I won't get into the specifics of everything because that's private for my Field family in particularly my step-father and sister. So out of respect I won't go there. But what I will say is that immediately I became overwhelmed. I started to silently cry at the lunch table as everyone was rehashing the amazing children's Sunday school we had just put on at the church downstairs. I must have caught Brandon's eye because he was asking me what was wrong. I remember whispering to him and then stumbling past him out of the room to gather myself upon his suggestion. I think he told the others and then followed me out. I then spilled more of it to him. Ronda came out and asked me what happened. Her immediate response was can I please pray for you and your family. And suddenly she was holding me and praying for me. I don't remember the words but it was immediately comforting. She would let me use their phone to actually call and talk to my mother. That evening was really a blur... church (they do church services on Sunday evening there) and dinner. But I remember feeling safe and comforted in Ronda's arms. Prayer was the first go to measure so often there that it made me realize that I don't do it as often here. Which in itself is a mini-lesson for me.
But my main lesson. Control - I lost it, didn't have one ounce of it for 9 days. And in the end I survived that. I wasn't hurt by it. Yes unforeseen things happened. Those things hurt, both temporarily and long term. But my being in control would not have stopped those things from happening. My Type A Personality - had I let it be my driving force that week, I would not have had any fun, my anxiety would have taken over, and God would not have worked they way he ultimately did for me. Coming back has given me a perspective I long to keep a grasp on. I hope to share more of those perspectives in the coming weeks.
The other non-Type A thing I'm going to do is post this without a review or revision. This is the hardcore version I spelled out tonight and I don't want to overthink it. So I apologize for any typos or confusing language. It is me raw and unfettered by the need to control. And I like it.
God Bless!
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