Finding a New Song

I've been thinking a lot lately about change.  I guess that's inevitable when your on the brink of it. People keep asking me if I am ready for it all. When is my last day here? When am I moving? Am I renting a truck for the move? Am I doing it by myself? Where will I be living? Do I have a job? Am I ready for the move?

Its funny how the answers to most of those questions have definitive answers...

My last day of work is October 11. 

I'm moving the following week most likely Thursday, October 17 or Friday October 18. 

I am not taking a truck.  Basically whatever fits in my little Mazda 2 with me is going.  Well, taking into account that I've already took 4 suitcases worth of stuff to Missouri in the last year when I've flown in for my brother's shower and wedding and the 4 shipped boxes.

Yes! I am moving all by myself.  Its strange how excited I am about that aspect.  I know its going to be a long trip.  And its sort of crazy to do by myself.  But I have a plan... and I will discuss it more in the coming weeks.

I will be living with my brother and my sister-in-law for, at most, a year until I get on my feet.  As I mentioned in my last post, it actually looks like with my brother heading out of town for work, the majority of next year I'll actually be roomies with my sister-in-law.  I'm hoping that is good news for her.  I mean of course its going to be hard not having her husband of almost a year not living full time with her but at least she won't be alone in the house when he's in Iowa.

And I don't have a job yet.  This is crazy I know. I have to keep in mind I did the same thing straight out of college.  I moved to Arizona without a job.  It took me 9 months but I finally did step into a career (that isn't to say I wasn't working - after a month off I worked 2 part-time jobs until I could find something that fit me).  That is what is different this time around. I have 8 years of experience (and confidence) to add to my education.

Am I ready for the move though?  I'm not sure. Now don't get me wrong, I want this move to happen and am totally excited about it.  I'm ready to do something different possibly with my career. I'm looking forward to a different climate - even if that means snow (did I just write that) - I'm just done with the baking heat.  I'm excited to be near my brother (even with his temporary move for work) and other family again.  It's going to be great being an everyday part of some of my closest friends lives instead of the current situation of intermittent phone calls and once a year trips (if I'm lucky).  I'd like to reconnect with other friends that have really only been Facebook friends in recent years.

What I'm not so sure about is the next evolution in my life. The "what's the next big thing in my life" thing.  Don't know if that makes sense but what I'm trying to say is that I'm just not sure what is next for me to do. Let me see if I can put it a different way.

When I was a child I just wanted to not be scared, hurt, or angry so I hoped and wished to be a teenager who could "do what I want".  When I was a teenager I just wanted to get away from the panic, the heartache and distrust I had for those around me so I wished to be in college so I could "do what I want."  When I was in college I was so busy trying to get the grade, losing myself in my friends and falling for the unattainable guy that I just wanted to be an adult in the real world so I could finally "do what I want."  So I moved to Arizona, again to get away from the pain of the past more than anything, and I got a "real" career and got to "do what I wanted". I tried to be a real adult. But what I found that while on the outside I looked like an adult (I worked, I paid bills, I moved out on my own and I took care of myself) on the inside I still felt like a little girl.  Once I realized I couldn't hide from past or my feelings I hit a breaking point in my life and I realized that no matter what, I needed help and I needed to be fixed. So my next "big thing" was to "get fixed". And so in 2007 I finally walked into a trauma therapist's office and started working on it. It took me a good 3 years with her and then the last 3 years participating in Celebrate Recovery to actually come to terms with the fact that it isn't about "fixing myself" or being "normal". It was actually about learning to appreciate the past for the perspective it gave me and knowing that it boils down to focus.  I can choose not to focus or dwell on the pain of the past and instead focus on bigger and greater things - and for me that has been figuring out my relationship with God.  Because it was only through his eyes that I forgave my father and its only through his grace that I learned to forgive myself and rid myself of years of guilt and sadness.

So it's like I've lived all these different lives: child, teen, college student, pseudo-adult, and healing person.  So what now?  What will this new life bring me?

Yesterday, I was driving to Tucson to work. I'm actually still there in the hotel room I booked last night to have a two day visit with a program.  It will probably be my last overnight stay for my agency.  And that is also sort of crazy thing to think about and I could go off on a tangent about that but that isn't the point.

I was blasting my music on my I-Pod through my car speakers (man I love technology now days - ALL my music at my fingertips all the time!) and I had it on shuffle.  This means I was getting a crazy mix of things.  And this story actually reminds me of a pin I pinned on Pinterest today! "I have 3 moods. -skips every song on my iPod. -lets the music play without interruption. -plays the same song on repeat for days."   Because the song that randomly came up that I haven't heard or really thought about in years was "One Fine Wire" by Colbie Caillet.  I love music, especially when it talks to you, which I feel like it has done my whole life.  This song was something I came across in the midst of being in therapy.  I literally remember bringing my Ipod into my therapists office and playing it for her just to express the chaos that was going on in my mind.  She even used it in the session that day to surround my senses and just work through everything using the music.  And it was definitely a song I played on repeat until I couldn't stand it anymore. 

As I really listened to the song for the first time in years I latched on to the fact that with this move coming I sometimes still feel "lost inside my head".  But unlike years ago I'm not stuck there and not able to "get out of it."  In fact, I think I work very hard to not get bogged down in "juggling all the thoughts in my head" or dwelling on my "fears on fire".  I also still have times where I feel like I'm "walking on one fine wire" and "I'm slow(ly) unraveling" but those moments are few and far between.  So, in a way this song still describes me but it doesn't define me. That's a huge change in my life.

I want to find a new song.  Something that defines this new me.  I know that it will happen and I look forward to stumbling across it.

This song and these thoughts made me back track and wonder about all of the change in my life which is where I started this post tonight. In the end this song inspired my own words and gave me new perspective on the pending change.

******
If you'd like to here the song its here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUnvG9qzbbM
Or to read all the lyrics I've typed them below.

"One Fine Wire"

I try so many times
But it's not taking me
And it seems so long ago
That I used to believe
And I'm so lost inside of my head
And crazy
But I cant get out of it
I'm just stumbling

And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head
I'm juggling and my fears on fire
But I'm listening as it evolves in my head
I'm balancing on one fine wire

And I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
But It's frayed at both the ends
And I'm slow unraveling

Life plays such silly games inside of me
And I've had some distant cries, following
And their entwined between the night and sun beams
I wish I were free from this pain in me

And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head
I'm juggling and my fears on fire
But I'm listening as it evolves in my head
I'm balancing on one fine wire

And I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
But it's frayed at both the ends
And I'm slow unraveling

And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head
I'm juggling and my fears on fire
But I'm listening as it evolves in my head
I'm balancing on one fine wire....

The Next Step

So the process of rebooting my blog has been harder than I expected for several reasons.  The main being that I've been dealing with a lot at work with it being less than two months away from my last day at my job!  Which is crazy as I've been working at my agency since September 2005.  That means I will have worked there for eight years!  October will also mean its been exactly a year since I began to think about and started the process of moving back to Missouri. And this past year has been a strange one full of twists and turns.

When I first made the decision to move last October my goal was to hopefully move by March and be back to Missouri around the time that my brother got married. Those first few months after I started thinking about the move I updated my resume and started to have conversations with friends and family about the move.  I unfortunately work in a public service field with limited resources. I have a nice life don't get me wrong.  But I've focused the last couple of years on paying off my debts so my savings weren't a priority.  So I therefore don't have the ability to pick-up and move without a few things in place, which also included a place to stay until I got on my feet. I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends and ended up having two options.  And even though it took some convincing by my brother that it was ok, I finally decided to move in with him and his now wife.  At the time of this discussion though she was his fiancé and they were a month or so away from their wedding.  I thought with them being newlyweds that it was intrusive on my part to consider moving in with them.  But when I flew in for a quick weekend to attend Cari's shower they both took the opportunity to show me their new house and explain that it would work out.

So with a place to stay all I needed was a job.  And back in February/March after I applied to almost 10 different positions I started to see how difficult it was going to be to find a job while living 4 states away.  So in about May I started a new plan - SAVE SAVE SAVE!  And then once I have a good nest egg saved - move with or without a job (I still plan on looking through the next couple of months).  So I figured out how much I needed to have about 3-4 months worth of savings to pay my financial commitments and plotted how long it would take me to get to that amount.  That final date was mid-October.

It's funny though... how God provides both opportunities and challenges to consider to any decision and waits to see how you react.

Opportunities:
1) In the Spring I was able to walk away from a major commitments at work with resigning from two committees where I was in charge of the silent auction portion of the events. At the time I was frustrated in the planning portion of the events and I jokingly said to one of my supervisors, who was my co-chair, that I just wished I could not do it anymore (I'd been doing it for nearly 6 years).  She said I could resign if I wanted. Suddenly a calmness swept over me and I did it. And remarkably, while it was initially hard to do it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It allowed me to focus these last several months on working to tie up loose ends that actually pertain to my job and not anything "extra" I had worked myself into within the agency. 

2) I've had amazing opportunities to save money from essentially being let go of my apartment commitment 2 1/2  months early (my roommate decided to get married 6+ months earlier than planned and well I offered to leave - because I couldn't see myself living with a married couple). This allowed me to save about $1000+ right away for the move.  I also got my asking price on the television my mom and step-father had given me a year or so earlier and had told me it was mine to sell.  And then there is the fact that my parent's are allowing me to stay with them as I finish out and prepare to leave - rent free.

3) Also, even though it was taking a bit from my savings, I recently got a $400 Kindle (the most expensive version that competes with the IPAD) through a silent auction at work (yes! One that I walked away from and one that I wouldn't have been able to participate in if I had been working the event) for $145. This little device is keeping me organized - which with my moving lists is actually coming more in handy.

Challenges:
1) I have been helping my Celebrate Recovery group in a pretty large way by running and organizing for the last year all the computer media that runs the worship and lessons during big group.  Its been hard to find volunteers to take train and takeover.  And up until about a month or so ago I was getting nervous - but not as nervous as I would have been in the past because I believed that God would come through.  And he did.  Last month a newer member who has been attending for a year and has occasionally taken over for me in the media when I haven't been able to make it - he said he'd take it over when I left.  More than that he is taking steps that I couldn't make because I didn't have the technical no how to complete or even ask for as a possibility.  He even donated a computer for CR to use so we don't have to rely on our personal computers. And now in the last two weeks I've gotten 2 more serious volunteers. So all it took was patience on my part.

2) I have been feeling kind of down about  the whole process of the move. I mean eight years ago I packed up a U-Haul, put my car on a hitch and had two friends move me across the country. When I arrived I moved in with my mom and step-father until I got on my feet. And now I'm heading back with only what can fit in my car and will be staying with my brother until I get on my feet. So... it feels like I haven't done anything with my life and in fact am going back with less.  But that's just looking at the "stuff" and similarities of the moves and ignoring the gains I've made while in Arizona. The first is that I've truly learned to accept my past and forgive.  I also found my way back to God, learned to actually have a relationship with him and started to connect and attend a church again.  In my career I learned through my agency how to be a professional and gained work experience I otherwise wouldn't have had. After I thought about all of what I have done in my years in Arizona I was able to look at the moves symbolically.  I ran away from Missouri to escape my past dragging a lot of baggage with me (so much so that I needed friends to help me move).  And now I'm returning, fully on my own, in a thoughtful manner and with less to drag me down.

3) My move back was something I started thinking about for a lot of reasons. The biggest were that I wanted to be closer to the majority of my family and my long time friends.  My mom being here in Arizona is going to be hard of course but what I finally figure out is that it will be easier to live near the majority of my family and friends and visit Mom than vice versa, which is what I've been doing for the past several years. But with this move pending I got some interesting news from my brother. It turns out for his job he's going to be working for the majority of next year in another state and visiting home on the weekends.  It's a crazy opportunity for him but I find it pretty funny that my first year back he won't be around for it and I will be basically be roommates with my new sister-in-law.  Then there is also some things going on with one of my friends which I won't get into because it's really a personal story and not mine to share.  But I realized that coming back during this time will not be as easy as I might have thought.  These two discussions came within a couple days of each other and they slightly depressed me but only momentarily.  I soon realized that these were both examples of how I needed to make sure this move was not about my family or friends but about me.  More to the point I realized that these two situations, while they will effect my new life, didn't dissuade me about my choice.  I will be moving regardless of what life has in store for me there.

I had to finally look at this move as not as the fresh start that I imagined. I mean it will be a fresh start but I imagined it to be a certain (and possibly "perfect") way.  I came to the conclusion that I had to just think of this move as the next step in my life.  That my life in Missouri will be just like it is here, with pitfalls and success, it will just be different.  Once I realized that and came to peace with that it was like the rest of my unease and nervousness about the coming trip vanished.  It was like God telling me as long as I know what I'm getting into its alright for me to make the move.

So with all of the above thoughts and realizations I'm ready to announce my move. The next step in Eve's Evolution starts October 11, 2013 with the last day of my work.  I'll be starting my drive across the country the following week.  I'm looking to have an adventure as I trek across the country.  And actually I think I'm going to blog about this whole process: resigning, packing up, my last days here in Arizona, and the trip across country.  I actually think that last one will be pretty fun to blog about as my plan to drive across country is hopefully going to include taking in the sites as I do drive across the country and stay with friends and family along the way.

Well considering it's been almost exactly a month since my last post I'm going to go ahead and get this published...

Blog Reboot

I actually sat down almost two months ago to write about this startling realization I'd been able to have about my father. Writing a post on my blog was amazing in itself due to the fact that it’s been almost a year and half since I last wrote anything here. So there I sat posting what I felt was a huge chunk of my healing heart when I decided to take a break. I stepped away with the idea that I'd come back the next day to edit and then post. But I let life get in the way… again. Time flies when you are living life!

And the truth is I need to learn to use this blog as a tool in living my life. It’s something I hope I’ll touch on in the coming weeks.   

Let me begin by saying this blog started out as a bucket list item to be completed. I also had finally figured a way to express myself in a literary sense like I used to in high school English and college. However, I wasn't pushing myself to publish, letting my friends know about it, or even understanding how to go about promoting it. So I ultimately walked away from it. Nonetheless, it was always in the back of my mind because I've always wanted to write a book about my life. Then again, I thought if I couldn't write a simple blog then where I was I ever going to get the stamina to write a book. 

In addition to this nagging need to express my voice I also had this feeling that there was some deeper presence insisting me to make a move. I think it was God. From the blogging workshop I happened to attended at a church event the week I started this blog two months ago to the sermon serious on “Surrender” this past month, everything has been pointing back in this direction. The final realization this week: my Dad’s anniversary. As of July 19, 2013 my father will have been dead for two years.  And this blog entry, the one I’ve been having a hard time editing, is basically about him.

Let me explain briefly the remainder of this post. It was written in its entirety about 2 months ago. I will be editing it for time references and general edits but for the most part it is exactly my thoughts as I had them at the time. It is about a puzzle piece snapping into place and the peaceful satisfaction of understanding a bigger picture. Let me warn you in saying that both my blog entry and the blog I reference deals with the difficult topics of depression and suicide. The blogger referenced also uses harsher language than I do but that’s her way of expressing herself in this situation. I hope that despite the harder themes that the heart of my post is encouraging and honors the gift my father gave me (both earthy and heavenly).

Original post:

Today (May 17) I read a post from a blogger that I followed consistently about 1-2 years ago - until she stopped posting. I mentioned her blog in my very first blog post almost a year and a half ago. At that time I wasn't sure if I was allowed to reference other blogs within your own.  I now know that as long as you don't steal whatever they talk about and claim it as your own then the greatest form of blogging flattery is to talk about another blogger in your own blog.  So the blog that started it all for me was the blog by Allie at Hyperbole and a Half.  As I wrote before, her words just spoke to me.  She made me laugh and cry and everything in between.  She also made me realize that this blogging thing is a legitimate art form.

The blog is a mix of her fun drawings and stories that depict her real life growing up to now.  That is until she disappeared. Her last post before she disappeared was about depression, so I always wondered if that had something to do with her being silent. What is amazingly ironic about all of this was her last post coincided with the beginning of starting my blog (albeit - I'm not sure 5 posts in a 3 month period and then over a year of silence amounts to a consistent blog).  Her last post was also at about the time I was coming out of my very own depression tunnel.

So in reading Allie’s post (from May 16) touched me... in indescribable ways. So much so I wanted to comment on her blog and try and put words to what I was feeling. I wrote my comment all out only to find out she had reached her comment limit of 5,000 comments already! All within a couple of hours!  Don't get me wrong, I think that's fantastic and I was happy for her. But I was also a little sad because I didn't get to share my own feelings about her post. I wrote about how the post reminded me of why I wanted to start my blog in the first place - to tell my story. My story of depression, which is so similar to Allie’s story, was depicted in such an elegant, artistic way that can only be described as essentially ‘Allie’.

So before I lost the comment I wrote it down in a draft post on my own blog. I wasn't sure I was actually going to post it or not. Specifically because I wanted to use what I learned in a blogging class about promoting one's blog using other social media outlets. I planned on putting a notice on my Facebook page. And if I made a post about this comment - would I want this to be the first post my friends and family might read?  I could always use it later as a part of telling my story.  But the truth was that Allie's post was helping to find my voice.  It helped me realize a big part of what has happened to me in the last two years and how that recovery has made me into the person I am today.  In essence it might be the perfect place to start...

So for a reference go to http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html and read her blog about her 18 month depression.

My comment:

"Thank you for sharing. I actually had these exact same feelings a little over two years ago in April 2011. However mine only lasted 3 weeks. I can't imagine 18 months of that much nothingness.  But from your post I think I got to the semi-suicidal thoughts faster. And trying to explain to others about how I want to cease to exist, but that I did not want to actually do something to make that ceasing to exist actually happen, just confused those I managed to tell. However, you understood the feeling. I probably would have stayed in that state if not for a few key people who pushed me into going to the doctor to get on medication. I was lucky, I know this, because 1) I listened and 2) the right medication/dosage occurred the first time. And like you I came back to life in spurts.

My corn - the piece of the puzzle that just changed everything - wasn't unexpected and weird joy.  My corn was unexpected and weird grief. In July of 2011, I had been on anxiety/depression medication for three months and the ultimate test of it would occur. My father, at the age of 56, died without any warning, of a sudden heart attack. I had a very difficult relationship with my father and I had actually cut him out of my life for the last three years of his life. As a result, grieving his death took me by unexpected surprise because of its intensity. It also took me through a whole range of emotions I thought I had forgotten. It forced me to feel everything in all its Technicolor glory for the first time in six months. The grief process is a long one and to this day I sometimes still feel it. But it also allowed me to work on feelings I'd buried for years. It allowed me to find a way to forgiveness which I'd been struggling with for years. It would take me another three months but I would eventually find my way to joy and gratefulness I had not really experienced... ever in my whole life. It is weird, and often hard to think about, that my father dying probably saved my own sanity, possibly my own life. For that I am simply humbled with gratitude.

In the last 18 months, which crazily coincides with the time you have been silent, I have had the most amazing life. Truly. But I still have these moments, often when I am taking my medication (that I still take daily), where I freeze and remember those three weeks. Sometimes a sliver of the nothingness washes over me. I shake it off every time. I pray that I will always find a way to do that but it reminds me just how close that other reality is inside me. I pray you find a way to cope with this alternate reality of yours and also find ways to shake it off.  Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of you."

And that's where for the first time I put into words just how extraordinary my father's death really was for me.  It felt like it was such a big realization to have and I didn't want to lose it simply because Allie's comment section was shut off.

The more I work on this post the more I think it's the perfect place to start (or restart considering this is the 6th post).  But it will be the first post I will actively put out to the world... so a real start.

I am excited to continue this journey. 

It's Christmas Time

Just wanted to say that its Christmas... and it's my second favorite holiday of the year.  (The first is the 4th of July because it was so close to my birthday that growing up I thought the fireworks were for me.)

Its time to sit back and be grateful for the blessings received throughout this year.

For me, I am grateful for:

1) The connections I've made through my church.  For the friends that helped me through one of the hardest things I had to deal with in my life - my father's death in July.

2) The realization that, with God's grace and my own hard work, I forgave my father and stepmother for everything they did or didn't do for me growing up.

3) The shift in perception, where through an unusual film called "People vs. the State of Illusion" I learned that I have the ability to actually choose to be happy.  And that slight shift brought everything I had been working on the past three years in therapy, in my church support groups, reading in the Bible, discussions with family and friends, etc. come into focus.  I now see things in... a different perspective.  (I hope to share the whole story here eventually...)

4) For my job.  In a world of uncertainty and unsure economic times I need to remember that the minor annoyances at work are just that minor.

5) For the fact that I think I could go on and on about being grateful.  In past years my old pessimism would have hindered that.

Merry Christmas!  And a Happy New Year!  May it bring new adventures and new joys.

My Brother was in Town, Thanksgiving Holiday and I'm a procrastinator

My brother came into town on Thursday, November 10th and during his stay I didn't have time to post.  Then after he left... I procrastinated, but I kept up with the trying new things though and saving the information in this post. 

Then Thanksgiving came and I procrastinated some more!

Finally work got complicated and I didn't have any extra "free" time so I didn't do any extra writing, except for when I had that breakthrough in the last post. 

So here is my intended third post more than a month later than it should have been posted.  What I realize is that I just need to finish up this post and get it out there.  That way I can focus on other topics in this blog.  In order to get this posted about halfway through the days descriptions will be brief, as the delay has been because I have wanted to elaborate on each...


Day 4 - Thursday, November 10, 2011 - Leave the house with the intention of giving $20 to someone in need.

This comes from the "Be Bold" night on Monday.  She discussed that we should be bold in our giving.  It prompted a discussion at our table about charity and being approached by people for donations.  I always seem to be approached and if I happen to have cash I will almost always inevitably give.  So I decided that in my week of new things I'd intentionally look for someone to give $20. 

On this day I had so many things to do to get ready for my brother that I really didn't have a chance to break out anything else from the list.  (Sorry A.D.)  I left my apartment and drove for awhile.  It was funny.  I hadn't really thought about where I'd find someone.  On my route to my mom's from my apartment I rarely see anyone who needs help, not like on my route to work.  But I had forgotten to eat lunch so I stopped and grabbed something from McDonald's.  Instead of going my normal route I turned south on Tatum and dug into my cheeseburger from Mickey D's.  Suddenly, with my mouth full I saw someone with a sign on the corner.  (Yeah... yeah more car bad habits - eating in the car!)  So with my hands holding half a burger, I reach into my purse for the $20 and rolled down the window.  I very clumsily waved the money towards the man.  He came over and thanked me profusely.  I however, suddenly got embarrassed about the food and I weirdly had a moment where I wondered if this man was judging me.  Isn't that a weird thing to be embarrassed about?!  In the end this man probably had to get over the embarrassment of standing on a corner asking for money.  So I let go of the weirdness and moved on with my life, sending out a prayer that his would get better.


Day 5 - Friday, November 11, 2011 - I hiked up Piestewa Peak... well as far as I could.

I had on my list to hike Camelback Mountain.  My brother and his girlfriend wanted to try hiking Piestewa Peak again.  We had visited the mountain the last time they were here, but they didn't make it to the top like they wanted.  As for me, I was injured and could only hike about five minutes before having to turn around as the steepness of the hike was too much for me.  So I ended up hanging out in the car with my mom while everyone else hiked.  My goal on this day was to get to the first outcropping that everyone else got to last time at the very least.

It was hard!  But everytime I wanted to stop I took a breath and continued on.  I had the mantra "I can do this - I'm not going to die."  And I did it!  When I figure out how to attach pictures to blogs I'll come back and add the picture I took of myself up there.

We also stopped at Echo Canyon before getting to the Peak. I actually thought we were going to hike here but Mom just wanted to show my brother's girlfriend the view.  However, I think one day I'd like to hike this Canyon.  So I added it to the try new things list.


Day 6 - Saturday, November 12, 2011 - I took my brother and his girlfriend mini-golfing and gocarting at Crakerjax.  Also went to the Movies and let my brother chose the movie.  That's not exactly new but the fact is he chose a movie I had really thought I would never see - had no interest in the concept.  So the new thing was I didn't complain about it (he-he).

Mom had to teach this day.  It was the one day she couldn't take off during my brother's stay with us.  So I was in charge.  I had at first big plans for this day.  I wanted to go to the Grand Canyon, Sedona or even Tucson and try a few different things.  When it looked like that didn't appeal to anyone but me I started searching online for something quick and fun.  We settled on going mini-golfing and gocarting.  It is something I have done before but really not something I've done since I lived in Missouri and probably around college sometime which is going on 7 years now. Wow that is a strange thing to realize!

After gocarting/mini golf we went and saw the movie IN TIME with Justin Timberlake.  I think that's ultimately why I didn't complain.  Justin is HOT!  And I actually liked his acting.  Didn't actually know if I would.  The movie is definitely more interesting then I thought it would be and I actually enjoyed it.  Sometimes its best not to be in control!  

Day 7 - Sunday, November 13, 2011 -  Nothing exactly new - Susan G Koman three day walk... oh and at church... committed to tithe 10% next year for the first time.

So started out the day going to the 9 am service so I could have the rest of the day to spend with my brother.  While at church we had a final lesson on giving and they had their annual contribution commitment.  They asked us to put on a pledge card what we were going to tithe monthly to the church.  This past year has been the first year where I really made a conscious effort to contribute.  Given that the last time I attended church regularly was when I was child that's not really surprising.  What I haven't been able to do this past year is give 10% of my earnings, instead giving what I could to get in the habit of giving.  This day I made the commitment to actually tithe 10%!  My church had those of us who commited to do so for the first time that day to walk to the front in what they called the "Widow's Walk." (see the Bible for the reference - its the story about the widow who gave her last 2 coins...)

It was an amazing thing to witness.  And I found out at a later service that over 250 people committed to tithe 10% for the first time!

After church joined the family for my mother and step-father's sunday excursion to "Church".  That's what my parents jokingly refer to their Sunday brunch.  We then explored Old Towne Scottsdale walking through all the individual jewelry stories.  What is interesting to note is that we randomly got to see the end of the Susan G. Koman 3-Day.  We saw them walking near Echo Canyon the day before which is just south of Paridise Valley here in Phoenix.  I just couldn't believe we ran into them again!


Day 8 - Monday, November 14, 2011 -  Brother and his girlfriend left early in the morning and for the first day of my vacation I got to sleep during the middle of the day!

Nothing truely new today.  Although I had a first.  I got to see my mother get emotional after we dropped my brother off at the airport.  Truth be told I was the one who broke the quiet with "I think I might cry!"  Mom brokenly laughs and says, "Don't then I definately will."  Turns out she always cries after taking either my brother or myself to the airport, even if its me going on a trip and she knows I will be back!  She laughingly adds, "I normally do this by myself and don't have an audiance!"  The things you learn...

I also, for the first time actually, got to take a nap on my vacation!  Blessed sleep!


Day 9 - Tuesday, November 15, 2011 - Tried to find something new.  Went on yelp for the first time to find a facial place and nail place.  Called around for a facial - ended up not having openings the day of the phone call - need to schedule.  Called around for nails - they too didn't have any openings.  Ended up just booking my appointments.  Facial on Wednesday and Nails on Friday!


Day 10 - Wednesday, November 16, 2011 - Hair appointment - scheduled months previously and facial appointment.  It is a pampered day!

Day 11 - Thursday, November 17, 2011 - Acted like a Twihard and went to the Midnight Premiere of Breaking Dawn Part 1!

Day 12 - Friday, November 18, 2011 - Went out on the limb and did some crazy colored Gelish nails.  Think Asfault and Vegas Nights - basically glittery gray!

Day 13 - Saturday, November 19, 2011 - Attempted to go to the Pirate Exhibit with coworker at the Science Museum after a Saturday conference for work.  The museum was closing so we went and ate dinner instead where I literally told my coworker the plot and story line of all the Twilight books from Twilight to Breaking Dawn... oh no I am a Twihard! 

Day 14 - Sunday, November 20, 2011 - Horse Therapy and Bridesmaid Dress Shopping.  Yep, those two very different things did occur back to back.

Day 15 - Monday, Novmeber 21, 2011 - Actually complained about my nails as one was nicked and got fixed.  I normally don't complain about those things so that is new!  Last day of vacation - so the mission is complete.

Man... If I had thought to just post these final days in list sooner I would have had this out about three weeks ago.  Uggh... sometimes I'm too much of a perfectionist.  One thing I'm trying to unlearn.