So the process of rebooting my blog has been harder than I expected for several reasons. The main being that I've been dealing with a lot at work with it being less than two months away from my last day at my job! Which is crazy as I've been working at my agency since September 2005. That means I will have worked there for eight years! October will also mean its been exactly a year since I began to think about and started the process of moving back to Missouri. And this past year has been a strange one full of twists and turns.
When I first made the decision to move last October my goal was to hopefully move by March and be back to Missouri around the time that my brother got married. Those first few months after I started thinking about the move I updated my resume and started to have conversations with friends and family about the move. I unfortunately work in a public service field with limited resources. I have a nice life don't get me wrong. But I've focused the last couple of years on paying off my debts so my savings weren't a priority. So I therefore don't have the ability to pick-up and move without a few things in place, which also included a place to stay until I got on my feet. I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends and ended up having two options. And even though it took some convincing by my brother that it was ok, I finally decided to move in with him and his now wife. At the time of this discussion though she was his fiancé and they were a month or so away from their wedding. I thought with them being newlyweds that it was intrusive on my part to consider moving in with them. But when I flew in for a quick weekend to attend Cari's shower they both took the opportunity to show me their new house and explain that it would work out.
So with a place to stay all I needed was a job. And back in February/March after I applied to almost 10 different positions I started to see how difficult it was going to be to find a job while living 4 states away. So in about May I started a new plan - SAVE SAVE SAVE! And then once I have a good nest egg saved - move with or without a job (I still plan on looking through the next couple of months). So I figured out how much I needed to have about 3-4 months worth of savings to pay my financial commitments and plotted how long it would take me to get to that amount. That final date was mid-October.
It's funny though... how God provides both opportunities and challenges to consider to any decision and waits to see how you react.
Opportunities:
1) In the Spring I was able to walk away from a major commitments at work with resigning from two committees where I was in charge of the silent auction portion of the events. At the time I was frustrated in the planning portion of the events and I jokingly said to one of my supervisors, who was my co-chair, that I just wished I could not do it anymore (I'd been doing it for nearly 6 years). She said I could resign if I wanted. Suddenly a calmness swept over me and I did it. And remarkably, while it was initially hard to do it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It allowed me to focus these last several months on working to tie up loose ends that actually pertain to my job and not anything "extra" I had worked myself into within the agency.
2) I've had amazing opportunities to save money from essentially being let go of my apartment commitment 2 1/2 months early (my roommate decided to get married 6+ months earlier than planned and well I offered to leave - because I couldn't see myself living with a married couple). This allowed me to save about $1000+ right away for the move. I also got my asking price on the television my mom and step-father had given me a year or so earlier and had told me it was mine to sell. And then there is the fact that my parent's are allowing me to stay with them as I finish out and prepare to leave - rent free.
3) Also, even though it was taking a bit from my savings, I recently got a $400 Kindle (the most expensive version that competes with the IPAD) through a silent auction at work (yes! One that I walked away from and one that I wouldn't have been able to participate in if I had been working the event) for $145. This little device is keeping me organized - which with my moving lists is actually coming more in handy.
Challenges:
1) I have been helping my Celebrate Recovery group in a pretty large way by running and organizing for the last year all the computer media that runs the worship and lessons during big group. Its been hard to find volunteers to take train and takeover. And up until about a month or so ago I was getting nervous - but not as nervous as I would have been in the past because I believed that God would come through. And he did. Last month a newer member who has been attending for a year and has occasionally taken over for me in the media when I haven't been able to make it - he said he'd take it over when I left. More than that he is taking steps that I couldn't make because I didn't have the technical no how to complete or even ask for as a possibility. He even donated a computer for CR to use so we don't have to rely on our personal computers. And now in the last two weeks I've gotten 2 more serious volunteers. So all it took was patience on my part.
2) I have been feeling kind of down about the whole process of the move. I mean eight years ago I packed up a U-Haul, put my car on a hitch and had two friends move me across the country. When I arrived I moved in with my mom and step-father until I got on my feet. And now I'm heading back with only what can fit in my car and will be staying with my brother until I get on my feet. So... it feels like I haven't done anything with my life and in fact am going back with less. But that's just looking at the "stuff" and similarities of the moves and ignoring the gains I've made while in Arizona. The first is that I've truly learned to accept my past and forgive. I also found my way back to God, learned to actually have a relationship with him and started to connect and attend a church again. In my career I learned through my agency how to be a professional and gained work experience I otherwise wouldn't have had. After I thought about all of what I have done in my years in Arizona I was able to look at the moves symbolically. I ran away from Missouri to escape my past dragging a lot of baggage with me (so much so that I needed friends to help me move). And now I'm returning, fully on my own, in a thoughtful manner and with less to drag me down.
3) My move back was something I started thinking about for a lot of reasons. The biggest were that I wanted to be closer to the majority of my family and my long time friends. My mom being here in Arizona is going to be hard of course but what I finally figure out is that it will be easier to live near the majority of my family and friends and visit Mom than vice versa, which is what I've been doing for the past several years. But with this move pending I got some interesting news from my brother. It turns out for his job he's going to be working for the majority of next year in another state and visiting home on the weekends. It's a crazy opportunity for him but I find it pretty funny that my first year back he won't be around for it and I will be basically be roommates with my new sister-in-law. Then there is also some things going on with one of my friends which I won't get into because it's really a personal story and not mine to share. But I realized that coming back during this time will not be as easy as I might have thought. These two discussions came within a couple days of each other and they slightly depressed me but only momentarily. I soon realized that these were both examples of how I needed to make sure this move was not about my family or friends but about me. More to the point I realized that these two situations, while they will effect my new life, didn't dissuade me about my choice. I will be moving regardless of what life has in store for me there.
I had to finally look at this move as not as the fresh start that I imagined. I mean it will be a fresh start but I imagined it to be a certain (and possibly "perfect") way. I came to the conclusion that I had to just think of this move as the next step in my life. That my life in Missouri will be just like it is here, with pitfalls and success, it will just be different. Once I realized that and came to peace with that it was like the rest of my unease and nervousness about the coming trip vanished. It was like God telling me as long as I know what I'm getting into its alright for me to make the move.
So with all of the above thoughts and realizations I'm ready to announce my move. The next step in Eve's Evolution starts October 11, 2013 with the last day of my work. I'll be starting my drive across the country the following week. I'm looking to have an adventure as I trek across the country. And actually I think I'm going to blog about this whole process: resigning, packing up, my last days here in Arizona, and the trip across country. I actually think that last one will be pretty fun to blog about as my plan to drive across country is hopefully going to include taking in the sites as I do drive across the country and stay with friends and family along the way.
Well considering it's been almost exactly a month since my last post I'm going to go ahead and get this published...
Wishing you peace with this change!
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